Recently I have been watching youtube videos non-stop. Because of my short attention span and my doctor's failure to prescribe me ADHD meds, I find it difficult to watch long tv shows. I need things that last 2-6 minutes and can entertain me. While I love youtube and love watching some of the people on there, I find the comment section very toxic. Not only does reading the comments make me feel bad about myself, even though they aren't directed towards me, but I always feel bad for the people being the center of the video. Basically what I want to know is when did society get so fucked up? When did physical attributes become more important than the way people are on the inside and the kinds of differences they can make?
Comments that I always see on videos that hit home for me are things like "Wow, she's fat, why doesn't she just try to change herself? Join a gym, it's that simple." Well, let me tell you something. Not only does this indirectly hurt me, because I'm very insecure about my body, but it also IS NOT THAT SIMPLE. One thing people who say "if you're fat, go to the gym" need to understand is it is NOT that easy. I have tried for years to lose weight. I ran for an hour every day and ate healthy foods, like kale smoothies and egg whites, and I could never lose more than three pounds. Not everything is as simple as black and white. I have a stomach condition, which makes it difficult for me to lose weight and it is physically draining to me. I keep feeling energy drained out of me and as great as it would be to lose the ten pounds I want off my body, I can't.
I hate it that I try and imagine how much better my life would be if only I were skinny. The thing about being "slightly bigger" than people your age is that nobody lets you hear the end of it. The old saying "Beauty is only skin deep" is a fucking lie. Beauty is not skin deep and it never was. Boys hold open doors for skinny girls, boys get them flowers. Skinny girls are given more attention and are treated differently. Nobody would dare think of dating a"fat" girl. Society is built upon this foundation that being pretty is somehow better. People will always choose pretty over someone who is actually better. It's a psychological thing really. I understand that our brains react differently to "pretty" people and that given two choices, we will always choose the one most appealing to our want for pretty.
I'm lucky that the times I have been made fun of for my weight can be counted on my fingertips, but what about those who can't? What about the girl who lost her dad and became depressed, relying on binge eating to take away the pain? Or the boy with a slow metabolism? What about the "chubby" teen who makes herself throw up to try and fit in? Why do we let these people get hurt? Why do we ourselves hurt them? When you really think long and hard about it, what is it about being skinny that is so glamorous that we would risk our health to obtain?
In a 50's magazine, they used to sell pills for woman to gain weight to be thick and now we are programmed to want to take pills to be thin and perfect. I'm just sick and tired of the world we live in. We are told being fat means you can't be beautiful, as if being skinny automatically rules you into the hot category. To that, I say FUCK SKINNY. I am done being told that how much I weigh means that no one will ever love me. I am done feeling lesser than and I am sure as hell done abiding by the standards of society.
You can be beautiful without being a size zero, and you can be loved without being under 120 pounds. I mean absolutely no disrespect to any skinny girls, this is not aimed towards you. This is aimed at society, at those who blatantly make fun of others for how much they weigh, instead of looking at what's in their heart. This is for the kids who think that they will never amount to anything because of the way they are treated. This is my way to get out what has been building up in me. This is for people, any and all sizes, to know they are beautiful the way they are. Don't go to the gym, because someone thinks you need to lose weight. You can and should be happy with yourself. Don't take shit from anyone, but most of all, remember to be accepting of yourselves.
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